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with Helen Hunt as Carol Connelly, Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall
MELVIN UDALL: Don't touch.
PASSER: Get a life.
CAROL CONNELLY: Look at you. You're better.
MOTHER AT TABLE: New medication.
CAROL CONNELLY: You know all my son's stuff? I've got a date tonight. I'm walking out the door, he says, "I promise not to get a cough."
MOTHER AT TABLE: Isn't that sweet?
CAROL CONNELLY: A little blond angel.
WOMAN AT TABLE: I said, "You love me the way you love your remote control. As long as I switch every time..."
MAN AT TABLE: That's great.
MELVIN UDALL: People that talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch. Eat up!
WAITRESS: I've got your money. Pay me next week.
CAROL CONNELLY: I owe you and I told you today...them's the rules. Excuse me, Melvin. There you go. Pardon me. Take the money.
WAITRESS: Take a cab home and get ready for the date.
CAROL CONNELLY: Ready is not my problem.
MELVIN UDALL: I'm starving.
CAROL CONNELLY: You're not allowed back here. Spence is more excited about it than I am. Sometimes, these kids, you just want to...
MELVIN UDALL: I've got jews at my table.
CAROL CONNELLY: It's not your table. It's the place's table. You can sit at someone else's station. Or you can wait your turn.
MELVIN UDALL: How much more have you got to eat? Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?
WOMAN AT TABLE: What?
MAN AT TABLE: That's it! Let's go.
CAFE 24 MANAGER BRIAN: He's barred for life.
MELVIN UDALL: They left.
CAROL CONNELLY: Yeah, what do you know? Bryan says he doesn't care how long you've been coming you ever act like this again you're barred for life. I'm gonna miss the excitement, but I'll handle it.
MELVIN UDALL: Three eggs, over easy. Sausage, bacon with fries.
CAROL CONNELLY: Fries today?
MELVIN UDALL: A short stack. Coffee with cream and sweetener.
CAROL CONNELLY: You'll die soon, with that diet.
MELVIN UDALL: We're all gonna die soon. You and I are, and it sounds like your son will.
CAROL CONNELLY: If you ever mention my son again you will never be able to eat here again. Do you understand? Give me some sign you understand, or leave now. Do you understand me, you crazy fuck? Do you?
MELVIN UDALL: Yes...
CAROL CONNELLY: I'll get your order.
WAITRESS: Wear my earrings tonight.
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