3-9 Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires

What everybody wants. Chapter 3 from How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.



Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is: "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do." An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive. And you can say that and be 100 percent sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he does. Take Al Capone, for example. Suppose you had inherited the same body and temperament and mind that Al Capone had. Suppose you had had his environment and experiences. You would then be precisely what he was - and where he was. For it is those things - and only those things - that made him what he was. The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren't rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are - and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: "There, but for the grace of God, go I." Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. I once gave a broadcast about the author of Little Women, Louisa May Alcott. Naturally, I knew she had lived and written her immortal books in Concord, Massachusetts. But, without thinking what I was saying, I spoke of visiting her old home in Concord. New Hampshire. If I had said New Hampshire only once, it might have been forgiven. But, alas and alack! I said it twice; I was deluged with letters and telegrams, stinging messages that swirled around my defenseless head like a swarm of hornets. Many were indignant. A few insulting. One Colonial Dame, who had been reared in Concord, Massachusetts, and who was then living in Philadelphia, vented her scorching wrath upon me. She couldn't have been much bitterer if I had accused Miss Alcott of being a cannibal from New Guinea. As I read the letter, I said to myself, "Thank God, I am not married to that woman." I felt like writing and telling her that although I had made a mistake in geography, she had made a far greater mistake in common courtesy.
That was to be just my opening sentence. Then I was going to roll up my sleeves and tell her what I really thought. But I didn't. I controlled myself. I realized that any hotheaded fool could do that - and that most fools would do just that. I wanted to be above fools. So I resolved to try to turn her hostility into friendliness. It would be a challenge, a sort of game I could play. I said to myself, "After all, if I were she, I would probably feel just as she does." So, I determined to sympathize with her viewpoint. The next time I was in Philadelphia, I called her on the telephone. The conversation went something like this: ME: Mrs. So-and-So, you wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for it. more

Chapter 3: 12 (twelve) ways to win people to your way of thinking

3.2. Show respect for the other person's opinions and never say that you're wrong
Show respect for the other person's opinions and never say that you're wrong
. A sure way of making enemies and how to avoid it.
3.3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
. (If you're wrong, admit it.
3.4. Begin in a friendly way
Begin in a friendly way
. A Drop Of Honey.