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4-2 Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

How to criticize and not be hated for it. Chapter 4 from How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

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Charles Schwab was passing through one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said "No Smoking." Did Schwab point to the sign and say, "Can't you read? Oh, no not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, "I'll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside." They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule - and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn't keep from loving a man like that could you? John Wanamaker used the same technique. Wanamaker used to make a tour of his great store in Philadelphia every day. Once he saw a customer waiting at a counter. No one was paying the slightest attention to her. The salespeople? Oh, they were in a huddle at the far end of the counter laughing and talking among themselves. Wanamaker didn't say a word. Quietly slipping behind the counter, he waited on the woman himself and then handed the purchase to the sales people to be wrapped as he went on his way. Public officials are often criticized for not being accessible to their constituents. They are busy people, and the fault sometimes lies in overprotective assistants who don't want to overburden their bosses with too many visitors. Carl Langford, who has been mayor of Orlando, Florida, the home of Disney World, for many years, frequently admonished his staff to allow people to see him. Clamed he had an "open-door" policy; yet the citizens of his community were blocked by secretaries and administrators when they called. Finally the mayor found the solution. He removed the door from his office! His aides got the message, and the mayor has had a truly open administration since the day his door was symbolically thrown away. Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child's careless attitude toward studies, we might say, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better." In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word "but." He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie's attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word "but" to "and."
"We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others." Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly and the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations. more

Chapter 4: 9 (nine) ways to Change people without giving offence or arousing resentment

4.1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Begin with praise and honest appreciation
. If you must find fault this is the way to begin.
4.2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
. How to criticize and not be hated for it.
4.3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
. Talk about your own mistakes first.
4.4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
. No one likes to take orders.
4.5. Let the other person save face
Let the other person save face
. Let the other man save his face.
4.8. Use encouragement; make the fault seem easy to correct
Use encouragement; make the fault seem easy to correct
. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
4.9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
. Making people glad to do what you want.