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KING: Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
SHREK: No, no. I was just reading a, uh, a scary book.
KING: I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behaviour earlier.
KING: I don't know what came over me.
Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over.
SHREK: Look, Your Majesty, I just.
KING: Please. Call me Dad.
SHREK: Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other.
KING: Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father son time? I know it would mean the world to Fiona. Shall we say, 7:30 by the old oak?
SHREK: Face it, Donkey! We're lost.
DONKEY: We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. Head to the darkest part of the woods. Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches. The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey!
SHREK: We passed that three times already!
DONKEY: You were the one who said not to stop for directions.
SHREK: Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you!
DONKEY: Don't get huffy! I'm only trying to help.
SHREK: I know! I know. I'm sorry, all right?
DONKEY: Hey, don't worry about it.
SHREK: I just really need to make things work with this guy.
DONKEY: Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy.
SHREK: Well, well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring?
DONKEY: What? I ain't purring.
SHREK: Sure. What's next? A hug?
DONKEY: Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare!
SHREK: Look! A little cat.
DONKEY: Look out, Shrek! He got a piece!
SHREK: It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty. Come on, little kitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little kitty. Whoa!
DONKEY: Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming!
SHREK: Come on! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, God. Oh! No!
DONKEY: Look out, Shrek! Hold still!
SHREK: Get it off!
DONKEY: Shrek! Hold still! Did I miss?
SHREK: No. You got them.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from Puss in Boots!
SHREK: I'll kill that cat!
PUSS IN BOOTS: Ah-ha-ha! Hairball.
DONKEY: Oh! That is nasty!
SHREK: What should we do with him?
DONKEY: Take the sword and neuter him. Give him the Bob Barker treatment.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Senor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers.
SHREK: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this?
PUSS IN BOOTS: The rich King? Si.
SHREK: Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing.
DONKEY: Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.
SHREK: Gee, thanks. Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming.
PUSS IN BOOTS: That's what the King said. Oh, uh, sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.
DONKEY: Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her.
SHREK: Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just, I just wish I could make her happy. Hold the phone. Happiness. A tear drop away. Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!
DONKEY: Aw, man, where do I begin? First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going Pinata! Pinata! What is a pinata, anyway?
SHREK: No, Donkey! I need you to cry!
DONKEY: Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to. Aaaahhh! You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you an appointment. Have a happy ever after.
SHREK: Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?
DONKEY: That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on another whirlwind adventure! Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move!
PUSS IN BOOTS: Stop, Ogre! I have misjudged you.
SHREK: Join the club. We've got jackets.
PUSS IN BOOTS: On my honour, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine.
DONKEY: The position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek. Shrek? Shrek!
SHREK: Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him in his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. Let's keep him!
DONKEY: Say what? Ahh!
SHREK: Listen. He's purring!
DONKEY: Oh, so now it's cute.
SHREK: Come on, Donkey. Lighten up.
DONKEY: Lighten up? I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up!
FIONA: Shrek! Shrek?
QUEEN: They're both festive, aren't they? What do you think, Harold?
KING: Um. Yes, yes. Fine. Fine.
QUEEN: Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball.
KING: Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters. How do we know there will even be a ball?
FIONA: Mom. Dad.
QUEEN: Oh, hello, dear.
KING: What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming.
FIONA: Mom, have you seen Shrek?
QUEEN: I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning.
CEDRIC: Can I help you, Your Majesty?
KING: Ah, yes! Um. Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish?
CEDRIC: That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty.
KING: Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric.
FIONA: Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek?
KING: No, I haven't, dear. I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night.
FIONA: Oh. You heard that, huh?
KING: The whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be well, a bit of a brute.
FIONA: Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon.
KING: Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you.
FIONA: Shrek loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me.
KING: Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same.
SHREK: No, really? Shh!
DONKEY: Oh. Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place. Let's back away slowly.
PUSS IN BOOTS: That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.
SHREK: Then why don't we pop in there for a spell? Ha-ha! Spell!
PUSS IN BOOTS: He makes me laugh.
SHREK: Hi. I'm here to see the
JEROME: The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry. She is not in.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now!
JEROME: Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. Look, she's not seeing any clients today, OK?
SHREK: That's OK, buddy. We're from the union.
JEROME: The union?
SHREK: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
JEROME: Oh! Oh, right.
SHREK: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
JEROME: Uh, a little. We don't even have dental.
SHREK: They don't even have dental. Okay, we'll just have a look around. Oh. By the way. I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. Know what I'm saying? Huh?
DONKEY: Huh? Huh? Huh?
SHREK: Stop it.
JEROME: Of course. Go right in.
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Watch songs from original soundtrack and other parts of movie
I Need Some Sleep
Ever Fallen In Love
Holding Out for a Hero
Living La Vida Loca
Accidentally In Love
Fairy Godmother Song
Shrek 2 (2004)
2 are we there yet
3 like an ogre
4 little father son time
5 live happily ever after
6 don't take the potion
7 how charming can I be
8 more that man