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FAIRY GODMOTHER: A drop of desire. Naughty!
A pinch of passion. And just a hint of lust!
SHREK: Excuse me. Sorry to barge in like this.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: What in Grimm's name are you doing here?
SHREK: Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we? Ah. Princess. Cinderella. Here we are. Lived happily ever after. Oh! No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. The Golden Bird, The Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman. No, no, no, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.
SHREK: All right, look, lady!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Don't you point those dirty green sausages at me!
WORKER ELF: Your Monte Cristo and coffee. Oh! Sorry.
SHREK: Ah! that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Just go.
SHREK: Come on, guys.
SHREK: TGIF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac?
DONKEY: Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face!
PUSS IN BOOTS: Man, that stinks! You don't exactly smell like a basket of roses.
SHREK: Well, one of these has got to help.
PUSS IN BOOTS: I was just concocting this very plan! Already our minds are becoming one.
DONKEY: Whoa, whoa. If we need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call. Shrek, this is a bad idea.
SHREK: Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch. Puss, do you think you could get to those on top?
PUSS IN BOOTS: No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
DONKEY: Shrek, are you off your nut?
SHREK: Donkey, keep watch.
DONKEY: Keep watch? Yeah, I'll keep watch. I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'll laugh, too. I'll be giggling to myself.
SHREK: What do you see?
PUSS IN BOOTS: Toad Stool Softener?
DONKEY: I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Elfa Seltzer?
PUSS IN BOOTS: Hex Lax?
SHREK: No! Try handsome.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Sorry. No handsome. Hey! How about Happily Ever After?
SHREK: Well, what does it do?
PUSS IN BOOTS: It says Beauty Divine.
DONKEY: In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of creatures. Especially us talking ones.
SHREK: Donkey! That'll have to do. We've got company.
DONKEY: Can we get on with this?
SHREK: Hurry! Nice catch, Donkey!
PUSS IN BOOTS: Finally! A good use for your mouth.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up! And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate!
PRINCE CHARMING: Mother!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Charming. Sweetheart. This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working.
PRINCE CHARMING: Whoa, what happened here?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: The ogre, that's what!
PRINCE CHARMING: What? Where is he, Mom? I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be king. We'll just have to come up with something smarter.
PIGEON: Pardon. Um. Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: What? Oh. I do believe we can make this work to our advantage.
SHREK: Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.
DONKEY: You both will be fine?
SHREK: I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too.
DONKEY: Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. Drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here.
SHREK: It says, Beauty Divine. How bad can it be?
DONKEY: See, you're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapo Rub over your chest, think again!
PUSS IN BOOTS: Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you.
DONKEY: Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle.
SHREK: How do you feel?
DONKEY: I don't feel any different. I look any different?
PUSS IN BOOTS: You still look like an ass to me.
SHREK: Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. Well, here's to us, Fiona.
DONKEY: Shrek? You drink that, there's no going back.
SHREK: I know.
DONKEY: No more wallowing in the mud?
SHREK: I know.
DONKEY: No more itchy butt crack?
SHREK: I know!
DONKEY: But you love being an ogre!
SHREK: I know! But I love Fiona more.
DONKEY: Shrek, no! Wait! Got to be. I think you grabbed the Farty Ever After potion.
PUSS IN BOOTS: Maybe it's a dud.
SHREK: Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.
DONKEY: Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting!
SHREK: It's just the rain, Donkey.
DONKEY: Oh. Don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It'll be better in the morning. You'll see. The sun'll come out. Tomorrow. Bet your bottom.
SHREK: Bet my bottom?
DONKEY: I'm coming, Elizabeth!
SHREK: Donkey? Are you all right?
PUSS IN BOOTS: Hey, boss. Let's shave him.
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Watch songs from original soundtrack and other parts of movie
Ever Fallen In Love
Holding Out for a Hero
Living La Vida Loca
Accidentally In Love
Fairy Godmother Song
I Need Some Sleep
Shrek 2 (2004)
2 are we there yet
3 like an ogre
4 little father son time
5 live happily ever after
6 don't take the potion
7 how charming can I be
8 more that man