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KING: Fairy Godmother. Charming.
You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here,
KING: Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really warming up to Prince Charming.
PRINCE CHARMING: Fyi, not my fault.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: No, of course it's not, dear.
PRINCE CHARMING: I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre?
KING: No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay?
PRINCE CHARMING AND FAIRY GODMOTHER: What?
KING: You can't force someone to fall in love!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: I beg to differ. I do it all the time! Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming.
KING: Umm, no.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: What did you say?
KING: I can't. I won't do it.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Oh, yes, you will. If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. Is that what you wantr? Is it?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back.
PRINCE CHARMING: Oh. Thank you, Mother.
SHREK: Um, Mary! A talking horse!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: The ogre! Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them!
ANNOUNCER: The abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's Far, Far Away Royal Ball blowout! The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey.
JOAN RIVERS: Everyone who's anyone has turned out to honour Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel!
ANNOUNCER: What the heck are the crumbs for?
JOAN RIVERS: And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina! Oh, aren't they adorable! Here comes Sleeping Beauty!
ANNOUNCER: Tired old thing.
JOAN RIVERS: Who's this? Who's this? Who is this? Oh. It's the one, it's the only. It's the Fairy Godmother!
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Hello, Far, Far Away! Can I get a whoop whoop? May all your endings be happy and well, you know the rest!
MAGIC MIRROR: We'll be right back with the Royal Far, Far Away Ball after these messages.
GINGERBREAD MAN: I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel Of Torture!
PINOCCHIO: I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.
GINGERBREAD MAN: Whizzes on you guys. Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing! No, to your left. Your left!
ANNOUNCER: Tonight on "Knights"
GINGERBREAD MAN: Now here's a good show!
ANNOUNCER: We got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup. It's time to teach these madcap mammals their "devil may mare" attitudes just won't fly.
SHREK: Why you grabbing me?
DONKEY: Police brutality!
SHREK: I have to talk to Princess Fiona!
GUARD: We warned you!
SHREK: Ow! Ow!
ANNOUNCER: Did someone let the cat out of the bag?
PUSS IN BOOTS: You capitalist pig dogs!
PUSS IN BOOTS: That's not mine.
SHREK: Find Princess Fiona!
DONKEY: I'm a donkey! Tell her Shrek. I'm her husband, Shrek!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Quick! Rewind it!
SHREK: I'm her husband, Shrek! Ow!
KING: Darling? Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball?
FIONA: I'm not going.
KING: The whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage.
FIONA: There's just one problem. That's not my husband. I mean, look at him.
KING: Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother.
FIONA: Change? He's completely lost his mind!
KING: Why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? You might find you like this new Shrek.
FIONA: But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad. I'd give anything to have him back.
KING: Darling. That's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I'm up all night.
DONKEY: I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
SHREK: You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
PUSS IN BOOTS: I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
PINOCCHIO: Shrek? Donkey?
PUSS IN BOOTS: Too late.
SHREK: Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Fire in ze hole! Look out below!
SHREK: Quick! Tell a lie!
PINOCCHIO: What should I say?
GINGERBREAD MAN: Anything, but quick!
DONKEY: Say something crazy like I'm wearing ladies' underwear!
PINOCCHIO: I am wearing ladies' underwear.
SHREK: Are you?
PINOCCHIO: I most certainly am not!
DONKEY: It looks like you most certainly am are!
PINOCCHIO: I am not!
PUSS IN BOOTS: What kind?
GINGERBREAD MAN: It's a thong!
SHREK: Oww! They're briefs!
PINOCCHIO: Are not.
GINGERBREAD MAN: Are too!
PINOCCHIO: Are not!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Are too! Here we go. Hang tight.
DONKEY: Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! Ow!
PUSS IN BOOTS: Excuse me?
SHREK: What? Puss!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Pardon me, would you mind letting me go?
PUSS IN BOOTS: Sorry, boss.
SHREK: Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss!
DONKEY: I thought you was going to let her go.
SHREK: I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona.
DONKEY: Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's coming around!
PUSS IN BOOTS: It's impossible! We'll never get in. The castle's guarded. There's a moat and everything!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. What?
SHREK: Do you still know the Muffin Man?
GINGERBREAD MAN: Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why?
SHREK: Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour.
MUFFIN MAN: Gingy!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We've got a big order to fill! It's alive!
SHREK: Run, run, run, as fast you can!
GINGERBREAD MAN: Go, baby, go!
SHREK: There it is, Mongo! To the castle! No, you great stupid pastry! Come on!
DONKEY: Mongo! Down here! Look at the pony! That's right! Follow the pretty pony! Pretty pony wants to play at the castle!
MONGO: Pretty pony.
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Watch songs from original soundtrack and other parts of movie
Holding Out for a Hero
Living La Vida Loca
Accidentally In Love
Fairy Godmother Song
I Need Some Sleep
Ever Fallen In Love
Shrek 2 (2004)
2 are we there yet
3 like an ogre
4 little father son time
5 live happily ever after
6 don't take the potion
7 how charming can I be
8 more that man