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101 Dalmatians II | 2

Quotes Well, what do you think? Why, it's splendid! ROGER: Puppies, welcome to your new home! Right then. That's 1 and 2 and 27, 36, 5, 50, 80... Minus two, carry the three and... 101? Finally, no more counting. Run! All this place needs is a proper dusting, a splash of paint, and it'll be good as new. Now, where do you suppose we'll put the music room? I think you just found it, darling. SONG ON PA: Thunderbolt Hounding hoodlums with a howl Bad nogoodniks hear his growl Thunderbolt Desperados, cringe in fear Mighty Thunderbolt is here Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, pooches and pups of all ages, are you ready? Desperados cringe in fear, Mighty Thunderbolt is here! I don't believe it! It's really him! And here's his sidekick extraordinaire, the evertrusty Lil' Lightning! Yoohoo! Hello, handsome! Over here, you gorgeous hunk of hound. Oh, hi, ladies. Nice to meet you. Oh, no. We don't want you. Get out of the way. We want... Thunderbolt! Sorry, little buddy, but these ladies aren't interested in the sidekick. They're here to get a big eyeful of hero! Heel, ladies, heel! All right, everybody, line up your dogs for the audition. We need to hear their best heroic bark! Very good. Hey, that's very... Oh, there's more! Well, go ahead. What's the matter, little fella? Cat got your tongue? It's funny, 'cause, you see, we're dogs and we chase cats, so... Well, it made me laugh. Come on, kid, we haven't got all year. You're wasting my valuable limelight. Say, who sat on the squeaky toy? Hey, Thunderbolt, over here! MAN: Nice. SONG ON PA: Thunderbolt That's it, folks! We'll announce the winner of the audition tomorrow. Have a megafantabulous day, and remember, buy your pooch lots and lots of tasty Kanine Krunchies! Nice work, Patch. Just brilliant. Ladies, ladies, you're wearing me out! Oh, please, just do it one more time. Oh, well, all right. I guess just one more time couldn't hurt. Golly, I'm good. Hello, boys! Thunder! Lightning, little buddy. It's just awful! I overheard what they're planning for the next episode! Don't be too harsh on them, little buddy. I know we don't have the best writers in television, but we can always improvise. I'm pretty good at improvising, as long as it's written down for me. No, no, you don't understand. Something really horrible is going to happen. Don't tell me. Let me guess. The dam breaks? No. The mine collapses? No. Do I get an evil twin? I've always wanted an evil twin! No! Listen, Thunder, what happens is you... You die. I don't believe it. I die? Oh, Lightning, this is just about the greatest thing ever! I've always wanted to play a big death scene! The selfless hero who sacrifices himself to save the innocent. I'll kick bigger than Old Yeller! So, how do I make my shockingly unexpected and triumphant return? You don't. What do you mean, I don't? You don't make a shockingly unexpected and triumphant return. You die. You're dead. You never come back. Not even for a reunion show? Not even for a cameo in the remake. They're writing me out of the show? They're gonna replace you with a younger dog. So that's what those auditions were really all about! Lightning, you've gotta help me! I can't end up on the street, homeless, foraging in trash cans. Mange! I could get mange! Well, I... I did have this one crazy thought. Or ticks! I hate ticks! They suck all the blood out of you. Do you hear me? They suck all the blood out of you. What if you went out and did something heroic, like you do on the show, but in the real world? You know, get your name in the paper. Prove to them that you still got it! Wait a minute. What if I went out and did something heroic in the real world? Or that could work, too. After all, you are the OneofaKind Wonder Dog. How hard could it be? Yeah, it'll be a catwalk. Cakewalk. Precisely! I'll just go get a little press for doing some easy hero stuff and they'll be begging to keep me on the show! But, first, I'll have to figure out a way to sneak past my adoring public. Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak. Hide. Master of disguise. Hi, Thunderbolt! I'm sorry, I'm... You've got the wrong dog, kid. I know it's you. That's the same disguise you used in episode 18, Gambling Gophers of Gunfire Gulch. For howling out loud! Now you've blown my cover. This is champion! I'm your biggest fan, Thunderbolt! I know every episode by heart! Remember the time when you fought that grizzly bear and rescued those orphans and then the dam broke? And... Hey, aren't you the squeaky toy? Yeah. That's me. Listen, pup... Patch. Pooch, whatever. You've gotta understand. Sometimes danger and I like to dance alone! Good gracious gravy, look at that! A cat is stuck up in that tree! He is? Oh, my heart goes out to the poor helpless creature. Now, if I were me, what would I do? Well, I'd read the script, that's what I'd do. Oh, no, I don't have a script! This is just like when Tommy was trapped on that cliff in episode 29. Okay, okay, don't panic. That one was a classic. You can do this. You can do this. Only it's also like episode 64. You can't do this. You can't do this. When he was drowning in the water tower.
Yeah, that was great. Who am I kidding? I have no idea what I'm doing! But episode 29 was still the best, at least from the first season. Pooch! Patch. Whatever! I'm trying to panic here! Sorry. I just thought you were going to do what you did on Raccoon Ridge. You know, when you got that barrel? And rolled it next to the cliff? Then you found a long plank of wood? And got a great big round boulder, and then... Precisely! Whoa! Hang on, little kitty! Help is on the way! The press is going to love this. There you are, my good man. No need to thank me. The look on your face is thanks enough! Now, smile for the cameras! Hey, that's strange. Where are all the photographers? The press is always around when I do something. What's the matter with you English people? Are you all having tea? How am I supposed to get my job back if you're all having tea? That was champion, Thunder! Just like on the telly! You know, this stuff isn't as easy as it looks! I mean, maybe if I could remember what happened in every episode of the show, you know, like Squeaky Toy, here, well, then I could... Hey, Squeaky Toy. Oh, darling, it's just divine! It's remarkable. It's stunning. It's grand! But it's all wrong. But it's my best work yet, cupcake. But it simply has to be better than your best, darling. I mean, look at these spots. The shapes aren't at all acceptable. They're not soft enough. You know, cuddly, like something you'd want to squeeze the life out of! No, this one is no good at all, an embarrassing mediocrity, a complete failure. Your harsh words strike me like blows from the fists of a large dockworker. I would cry now were it not so bourgeois. There, there. I know you'll get it right, my depressive da Vinci. You simply have to keep trying. After all, you're the only one who truly understands Cruella, who can see into her tortured soul. Yes! Her heart is like a vast, dark ocean on whose waves I am hopelessly adrift in my dinghy of passion. I shall not betray your faith in me! I shall create another canvas! And another! And another! And another! Until I have found spotted perfection! I shall not stop until the fires of your craving have been quenched. Junior deputy test? Which episode was that in? One of the lost episodes. But I only give it to pups who I think might be worthy. And, who knows, if you do real good, maybe I'll even let you be on the show with me! Really? Sure, kid. I'm the star, aren't I? Mother of pasteurized milk! That stagecoach is out of control! This is your first junior deputy test, kid. Okay, well... This is just like in episode 37, Stagecoaches of Serpent Summit. Very good. Now, episode 37, was that the one where I leap, run and pounce? No, no. That was the one where you run, pounce and leap! Precisely! Stand back! Get a hold of yourself, man. You're out of control! Whoa! It's okay! I'll get the brake! Still no photographers. How odd. Here's your next test, kid. Wow, bank robbers! Episode four. Beginner's luck is overrated Once you blink it's come and gone The only way to cultivate it Is to keep on keeping on Yeah Still no photographers? Those men are frozen with fear. No wonder. Those crazed badgers are trying to eat their heads! It's just like in episode 27, when you whipped those two grizzlies. Huh? And don't you never stop, no What is it? Looks like we've stumbled on a band of cattle rustlers. Aren't those monkeys? Even worse, monkey rustlers! Sounds like episode 34 to me. Right answer, once again, Junior Deputy. I passed the test? Think you can handle it? You bet! Let's get those monkey rustlers!
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101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure (2003)
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