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NARRATOR1: Playing jailer to one's dearest friend wasn't pleasant. In fact, Moley immediately wanted to call it quits, but Ratty said no.
This time they must be firm.
It wasn't just a matter of saving Toad from himself. There was MacBadger to consider, and Toad Hall and all it stood for. There was only one thing wrong with Ratty's cure for motor mania. It didn't work. You see, Toad was far too clever. And, at the moment, completely mad.
He was determined to get a motorcar, even if he had to beg,
NEWSPAPER VENDOR: Toad arrested! Extra!
BAILIFF: His Majesty versus J. Thaddeus Toad, Toad Hall, Riverbank, Doodle-Bunton-Maxon-Morton, Surrey. 24th day of August, set forth in the following brief. Accused is J. Thaddeus Toad, of stealing a motorcar, and with it, endangering sundry subjects of His Majesty, their life and limbs.
Counsel for the Crown proceed
with the case.
PROSECUTOR: My lord, I call, as first Crown witnesses, Mr Rat and Mr Mole! Is it true that you had the accused locked in his own house because he had threatened to get a motorcar? Did you, or did you not, have him locked up?
RAT: We did.
PROSECUTOR: Thank you! That is all! Next witness.
BAILIFF: Mr Angus MacBadger!
PROSECUTOR: As trustee of the Toad estate,
you knew of the prisoner's mania for motorcars?
And due to his extravagance, you cut off his allowance? Then he was, to the best of your knowledge, without funds? That is all! Thank you!
JUDGE: Gentlemen of the jury, the Crown rests. Counsel for the defence will present his case.
TOAD: My lord, with the court's indulgence, I rise prepared to plead my own defence.
RAT: Stop it.
TOAD: Gentlemen of the jury, I call, as my first witness, Cyril Proudbottom.
BAILIFF: Cyril Proudbottom.
TOAD: Are you acquainted with the defendant, J. Thaddeus Toad?
CYRIL: Lord love a duck, yes! He's one of the jolliest chaps I've run across. And simply tons of money.
PROSECUTOR: Good fellow? Throws it away. But he wasn't throwing it away that day! You heard Mr MacBadger testify that his allowance was cut off. Then how did he get a motorcar?
CYRIL: The only way a gentleman gets anything. The honest way.
PROSECUTOR: And what is the honest way?
CYRIL: I thought you wouldn't know! Your Lordship, I.
JUDGE: The witness may
testify in his own words
CYRIL: Righto, guv'nor. I'll just give you the facts. When Toady escaped from his boudoir he headed straight for my place. Soon we was off down the highway, but we hadn't gone far, I confess, when, with a rush and a roar something passed like the London Express. It was big, it was red, it was beautiful. A motorcar, a bit of alright. Toady was transfixed with rapture. You
could tell it was love at first sight.
The motor pulled up to a tavern, wherein was located a bar. And we watched while some tough-looking weasels got out of that lovely red car. Now, weasels, I know, are deceitful. And not to be trusted, at all. But how could I know they'd stolen that car? I didn't have no crystal ball. The guv'nor is not one to dally. He made up his mind like a flash. He says: Try it for size, my good Cyril, while I see what they'll take for it, cash. Into the tavern he saunters, where the barman was back of the bar. And he said:
TOAD: Cheerio, tavern keeper. Who's the owner of that hot-looking car?
CYRIL: The barman, a codger named Winky, leaned over the bar and said:
MR. WINKY: Why?
CYRIL: The guv'nor answered:
TOAD: That car must be mine!
Whatever the price is, I'll buy.
CYRIL: But Toad found he hadn't no money. So, he promptly offered a trade. The weasels appeared to be willing. In a moment, the bargain was made. Toady drawed up a paper, with almost incredible speed. He called on old Winky the barman to pop over and witness the deed. Now, the guv'nor is not a bit stingy. He never does anything small. The weasels gave him the red motorcar, and he gave the weasels Toad Hall.
PROSECUTOR: Traded Toad Hall? An estate worth 100,000 for a motorcar? You expect me to believe that?
TOAD: I don't expect you to believe anything. Fortunately, I can produce a witness. Call Mr Winky!
BAILIFF: Mr Winky! Mr Winky!
TOAD: My lord, gentlemen, facing you in the witness box is a citizen of substance and standing. A man of unimpeachable honesty. Now, Mr Winky, do you recall an incident that took place in your establishment last August 12th, that I was a party to?
MR. WINKY: Yes, sir, that I do.
TOAD: Well, then, just tell the court what actually happened.
MR. WINKY: Well, guv'nor, you tried to sell me...
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My lord, I call, as first Crown witnesses, Mr Rat and Mr Mole
Accused is Thaddeus Toad, of stealing a motorcar
I rise prepared to plead my own defense
First witness, Cyril Proudbottom
The Adventures of Mr Toad