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Singing? That didn't sound like singing to me. And, you know, I have perfect pitch. Uh, yes. Grace, about your perfect pitch Not now, Maggie. All right, show's over! You're interfering with official police bidness! Be right with you, big guy. Buck is on the case. You know. Don't embarrass me in front of my partner. Please! You and he are partners? How does that work exactly? Do you get to ride him on odd days or even? He chose me specifically because I have skills that are essential to capturing our quarry. You boys headed back to town? Yes, sir. We got to go file a report with the sheriff. Give him back his horse. This one's too skittish around cows. And that, girls, is what makes me and Rico equal parts of one lean mean crimefighting machine? Well, there it is, then. Well, well, well, stud. Now, I'm no professional but I'd say the only mano a mano you'll be doing is in your dreams. Oh, look out, Buck. He's making a move on your left flank. Kaboosh! Maggie! Grace! Leave that poor animal alone. Buck, I realize you're very upset but if you'd like to join our group and help us bring in Slim, we'd be happy to have you. However, there are a few angermanagement issues we need to discuss. I wouldn't help you bossy bovines if my life depended on it! You see, that's just what I'm talking about. Come on, girls. Let's go get Slim. Come on, girls, let's go get Slim. Cudchewing heifers. I can catch that Slim with one hoof tied behind my back. Wait a minute. Why don't l? Yes! Partner or no partner, that's what I'm a do. Hey! Hold the horse now. Forget it. Definitely bipolar. Move it, sister! Hero passing on the left! Hey, watch it. Where are you going, hotfoot? I'm gonna go nab that rustler and show Rico I got what it takes so say goodbye to your farm, girls, because Slim is mine. It's hero time! Watch out now! Hey! Get back! Jump back! Kiss myself! Oh, this is a fine kettle of fish. How can we compete with that? Look at the bright side, Mrs. C. Don't forget about our secret weapon. Secret weapon? Who better to catch a cattle thief than a cow? Yeah, even you can't argue with that kind of logic. OK, maybe you can. You know, Grace Maggie does so love your singing. How about a song? I'm gonna get you for this. 5,000 Texas longhorns. Not bad for one night's work. Pick a color. I said, not bad for one night's work. What? Thank you. And judging by the ear mark I'd say these are the last of Big Mike Donald's herd. Big Mike Donald had a farm? That's right. He had a farm. Now that all his cash cows have disappeared that poor sap's gonna be flat broke. Perfect time for a certain upstanding land owner to step in and take all the land. Who are you? What did you do with Uncle Slim? Put up your dukes, Mr. Fancy Britches. It's me. Hello? This here is the disguise I use to sneak into all them auctions and buy all the land, you brainless monotone monkeys. Shoot, you got to be the richest land baron in the west. Yes, but the part that really warms my heart is watching those homesteaders suffer. Back in the day, I worked the highfalutinest ranches you ever seen but those stuckup ranch bosses couldn't appreciate my talents. Maybe they just didn't like your singing. Songbirds sing. Saloon gals sing. Little bitty snotnosed children sing. I yodel! And yodeling is an art! Well, maybe they just didn't like your yodeling. He didn't mean it, Uncle Slim. Everybody likes yodeling. It's one of the funniest, cornball, goofy, silly sounds in the whole west.
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Home on the Range (2004) |
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