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Scoot the boot with 'ya with the upper crowd! What do you say?
DOUG FUNNIE: Guy?
Can't you see I'm talking to someone?
Time to grab your opportunities before they grab someone else, if 'ya get me, tick tock tick tock contestant your answer please.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Thanks anyway Guy but
I'm going to the dance.
I may even be working on it.
GUY GRAHAM: Oh whatever sands your wood, don't say I didn't offer. I'm outta here! Last chance to change your mind.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Goodbye Guy.
DOUG FUNNIE: That, Guy!
MR. MAYONNAISE: There. Hey Patti! Can you help me get this stuff to the car?
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Sure Daddy. See 'ya Doug.
DOUG FUNNIE: This was going to be the perfect surprise. I knew Patti and I were just the team to make the coolest dance ever.
NED: I don't know about you, but I'm still scared man
ROGER KLOTZ: This is terrible, I thought that lake thing was going to kill me.
BOOMER: It must have thought we were trying to attack Valentine.
NED: Yeah, it was protecting him.
WILLIE: Duh, Valentine's gotta monster on his side.
ROGER KLOTZ: A monster? On his side? Oh! Hey Valentine! Is that a nose or a ski slope?
NED: Rog, you ok?
WILLIE: I think his brain vapor locked!
NED: Stand back!
ROGER KLOTZ: What the?
NED: His idea.
ROGER KLOTZ:Why you, I oughta, aha!
ROGER KLOTZ: Shhhhh.
I think I'm getting an idea!
BOOMER: How can you tell?
NED: What does it feel like?
WILLIE: Duh, maybe it's gas.
ROGER KLOTZ:Just wait, it's gonna to be the biggest thing to ever hit this town!
ROGER KLOTZ'S GANG: Again?
DOUG FUNNIE: I can't believe your camera went off when it hit the ground!
SKEETER: Yeah maybe I got a picture of the monster!
BEEBE BLUFF: Oh Doug! I want to thank you, you saved the dance!
MR. BILL BLUFF: Where are 'ya honey bunch? Whoa, whoa!
BEEBE BLUFF: Take these to the car daddy.
MR. BILL BLUFF: Yes dear.
BEEBE BLUFF: Oh Skeeter, I
was just doing a little shopping,
in case someone wants to take me to the dance?
SKEETER: Uh, honk honk, meet 'ya at the photoshop man!
BEEBE BLUFF: Boys!
MR. BILL BLUFF: Is that the boy you like honey bunch?
BEEBE BLUFF: If you think I'm discussing that with you daddy, you're nuts! I already told Patti she's on the committee! She's very excited!
DOUG FUNNIE: Great! Look Beebe, I'll go help Skeet get his pictures then I'll head down to school.
BEEBE BLUFF: What for?
DOUG FUNNIE: Well to get started! I plan to work day and night to have this dance ready!
BEEBE BLUFF: Doug, you don't have to worry about a thing. Patti and Guy have it all under control!
DOUG FUNNIE: Patti and Guy?
BEEBE BLUFF: Yeah, Guy's the other one on the dance committee! Isn't it great?
DOUG FUNNIE: But Guy said he didn't. He isn't even in our grade.
BEEBE BLUFF: I know, isn't it great to have an upperclassman even think about helping?
DOUG FUNNIE: But how? How?
BEEBE BLUFF: How did we convince him? It was easy, we were sitting in the office after lunch. This dance is going to be so the opposite of cool!
CONNIE: C'mon Beebe, let's check and see of somebody signed up during lunch! Hey, what happened to the list?
GUY GRAHAM: Looking for this ladies?
BEEBE BLUFF: Guy! Are you
writing a story for the school paper?
GUY GRAHAM: Writing? Well here's a real headline Guy Graham, upperclassman, heads up dinky dance! Bang! Now let's get down to business shall we? Help me down.
DOUG FUNNIE: I was on that list!
BEEBE BLUFF: Well Doug you understand. Guy has real accomplishments, and he's
friend with my daddy!
DOUG FUNNIE: But I know your dad!
MR. BILL BLUFF: Not like he does, fine young man.
BEEBE BLUFF: See 'ya Doug. Home, Jinkins.
DOUG FUNNIE: Perfect, that's just perfect.
SKEETER: Oh don't worry man. Guy may have more accomplishments now, but you're going to blow him out of the water!
DOUG FUNNIE: How do you mean?
SKEETER: When we show everyone that monster.
DOUG FUNNIE: Oh yeah, perfect.
SKEETER: Hey who's the cute baby? Oh it's me, boy that film must have been in the camera a long time.
DOUG FUNNIE: Skeet? Are you really sure you saw something at the lake?
SKEETER: What do you mean man?
DOUG FUNNIE: I mean, you've been looking for this monster for months right? And last night you really wanted to see it, maybe you only saw a shadow or swamp gas or something. You do have a pretty active imagination. Oh what's this? Is this from your Halloween party?
SKEETER: The monster! Honk honk, I told you there was a monster. I told everybody! Behold!
DOUG FUNNIE: Wahoo! yeah! Oh, let me see it again. Skeeter,
we're going to be famous,
this is the biggest thing ever! Wahoo!
ANNOUNCER: When the biggest thing ever happens.
DOUG FUNNIE: The biggest thing ever!
ANNOUNCER: Doug imagines himself a superhero daring enough to wear his underwear over his pants, Quailman!
DOUG FUNNIE: A big dance extravaganza, well that does sound big! I wonder if it's a trap? P.S. not a trap well Quaildog as I always say, if it's in print it must be true!
ANNOUNCER: And so that night, Quailman rendezvous with a certain young woman.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Oh Quailman, how
nice of you to invite me to this big dance extravaganza!
DOUG FUNNIE: Well dancing with Quaildog, while enjoyable, is not my idea of a perfect evening.
GUY GRAHAM: Is everyone ready to dance?
DOUG FUNNIE: Who are you and why are you clogging? I mean, who are you?
I am Lord of the Polka,
care to dance?
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Must dance.
DOUG FUNNIE: Curious.
GUARD: Sorry pal, full up.
DOUG FUNNIE: Fortunately, patience is the first quality of the quail. Looks like an un invited guest is trying to crash the party Quaildog, no time to lose, fly away!
ANNOUNCER: When danger calls, there's one superhero who's always there to pick up the phone. Part quail, part man, all hero, Quailman and his super pal Quaildog! How can the beast be stopped? Surely Quailman must come to fisticuffs with this fiend from the fathoms!
DOUG FUNNIE: No mister narrator. Violence is only for those who have run out of good ideas. We simply have to speak reasonably to this fearsome fellow. Excuse large lizard-like creature, I think it's important for you to see. I don't like to make snap judgements, but it seems this out-sized outlaw just ate me.
ANNOUNCER: Quailman, eaten like so many potato chips. Who will stop the amphibious archfiend now? Thinking quickly, Quaildog turns the high powered disco lights into the eyes of the monster, momentarily disorienting the reptilian rowdy. Next, his canine sixth sense combined with an extensive knowledge of pop culture tells him the moment is right. He reroutes the signal to intercept the latest episode of a corny teen sitcom playing right at that moment.
BRIAR LANGOLIER: Dylan, how can I love you when I'm really in love with your other personality Rufus?
ANNOUNCER: Quaildog's queasy quarry is not match for this mindless mush fest. The already reeling reptile can't stomach it.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Quailman!
DOUG FUNNIE: I try to be broad-minded but I can't sit ideally by and be digested by some scaly scofflaw.
ANNOUNCER: Having learned that the beastly beast is impervious to reason, Quailman has no choice but to release the full force of the quail eye, rendering his amphibious adversary helpless and stupefied.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Oh Quailman, you've saved us!
GUY GRAHAM: We'll that's over, wanna dance?
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Forget it! Defeating a monster is much cooler than decorating for a dance, no matter how bad he smells.
NOTE: To watch the pictures in high resolution, click on them
Watch other parts of movie
Doug's 1st Movie (1999)
2 going to the dance
3 can you get that
4 have big news
5 right thing to do
6 welcome to our school
7 know where to get
8 like your new home