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SKEETER: Happy Valentine's Day Beebe!
BEEBE BLUFF: Sorry, I don't take Valentines from lying lie fake liars!
BLUFF AGENT: Move, move! Freeze sea beast! What the?
PRINCIPAL WHITE: Well has mayor- I mean principal, I am honored to welcome this
new exchange student
to our illustrious school! Welcome. What's her name?
DOUG FUNNIE: Well Principal White.
PRINCIPAL WHITE: Principal White? Hmm, now why does that name sound so familiar?
DOUG FUNNIE: No! It's Hermannione.
PRINCIPAL WHITE: Oh, what a beautiful name! Hermanuhninione. Well uh,
welcome to our school young foreign person,
vote for me! What did she say?
DOUG FUNNIE: Thanks! She said thanks!
MRS. PERIGREW: I want everyone to just let their emotions floooow onto the canvas.
SKEETER: Hermione, No! Bad, that's dirty.
MRS. PERIGREW: Hermione, remarkable work. So primitive, so free!
GIRL: Look at Doug with that cute girl.
NERD: Ah, girl in the boys room!
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Humph!
DOUG FUNNIE: Uh, Patti I have to talk to you.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Thanks for the Valentine Doug.
DOUG FUNNIE: What Valentine? Oh, I'm sorry. Look I've been busy.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: So I've seen.
DOUG FUNNIE: Look, I want to tell you something but you can't tell anybody right?
We found the Lucky Duck Lake monster,
that's why I didn't go to Swirly's the other night. Wait, where are you going?
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Doug, I'm going to stand here and be lied to. I'm not blind you know, I know who you're really spending your time with.
DOUG FUNNIE: What are you talking about?
PATTI MAYONNAISE: That Hermione girl you've been hanging around with all day.
DOUG FUNNIE: That's who I'm talking about.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Then why don't you act like a grownup and just say you're hanging out with her now?
DOUG FUNNIE: But I'm not! Well I am. but I'm not really.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: Oh really? I
saw you all over her in the cafeteria.
DOUG FUNNIE: Come on Patti, she's not even a girl.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: I know you think I must be dumb because I believe all that monster stuff before, but I hope you don't think I'm that gullible Doug.
GUY GRAHAM: Hello kids! Oh, Doug I see you're still pestering Patti. Sorry, we have to get to Funkytown.
PATTI MAYONNAISE: See 'ya Doug.
DOUG FUNNIE: Uh, but.
SKEETER: I thought it over man, we can't take him to our houses anymore, it isn't safe.
BEEBE BLUFF: See 'ya Hermione.
CONNIE: See 'ya tomorrow.
SKEETER: There's only one thing left to do. We have to get him back to the lake before Mr. Bluff gets him. I'll take him there now get your camping gear and meet us.
DOUG FUNNIE: Whatever, O.K., right, yeah.
SKEETER: Come on Doug, we gotta do this man.
DOUG FUNNIE: Yeah I know.
CROSSING GUARD: Crossing.
DOUG FUNNIE: I thought it had been the worst day of my life. But I was wrong, things hadn't even started to get bad yet.
SKEETER: Oh, it
sure is cold tonight.
Hey Herman, can you hand me some wood? We'll we're back where we started.
DOUG FUNNIE: Only everyone thinks we're liars and Patti hates me but other than that, yes, we're right back where we started.
SKEETER: Well at least Herman Melville will be free. Did you hear something?
DOUG FUNNIE: Yeah over there. What is it?
SKEETER: I guess those guys were in a pretty big hurry the other night.
DOUG FUNNIE: No Herman, no. Too big. Little sticks, tiny little.
SKEETER: Maybe we'd better get him back in the water.
DOUG FUNNIE: Yeah.
SKEETER: This is it buddy, time to get in the water Herman, c'mon.
DOUG FUNNIE: C'mon Herman, back in the water c'mon. What's the matter?
Maybe he'll go in if we swim with him.
Take off your pants.
SKEETER: Me? You take off your pants.
DOUG FUNNIE: It's too cold anyway, just pretend. O.K. here we go, we're going to go swimming.
DOUG FUNNIE AND SKEETER: Swimming, c'mon buddy. Yeah oh swimming, great idea.
DOUG FUNNIE: Don't you wanna swim with us Herman? Ahhh, hey.
SKEETER: Herman, what are you doing? You hurt Doug.
DOUG FUNNIE: Stop it you big fish. I'm glad we're getting rid of you, you're nothing but bad news. You lost me the only person I ever cared about and now I wish.
SKEETER: Hey! Look man! Wow! No wonder he didn't want us to go there. I knew it was polluted, but not that bad. Mayor Tippy was right.
DOUG FUNNIE: He can't go back there. Wah?
SKEETER: I think you hurt his feeling man.
DOUG FUNNIE: I'm sorry.
Thanks for saving us Herman.
SKEETER: He can't go back in that lake man.
DOUG FUNNIE: What are we going to do with him?
MR. BILL BLUFF: I think I can answer that!
DOUG FUNNIE: Run Herman!
DOUG FUNNIE AND SKEETER: Herman!
DOUG FUNNIE: Leave him alone!
BLUFF AGENT: This'll knock him out for a while.
MR. BILL BLUFF: Get him outta here.
SKEETER: You can't do this.
MR. BILL BLUFF: Quite you. I don't wanna hear anything from you. If I hear one more peep it's gonna, you're gonna be so. Bob?
BLUFF ASSISTANT: Let's just say it won't be pretty for you.
MR. BILL BLUFF: Right! You boys decided you were going to make me look bad, I have friends at your school. You boys could be in middle school for a long time to come. If you know what's good for 'ya, you'll forget everything that happened here tonight.
DOUG FUNNIE: Ugh, what do we do now?
SKEETER: We gotta stop him and I don't care if I'm in middle school for the rest of my life.
DOUG FUNNIE: Me neither, let's go! I just hope I don't have to keep taking band.
POLICE OFFICER 1: All I'm saying is that sure Superman is stronger than Batman, but Batman's got superior technology. So, say my doughnuts kryptonite.
POLICE OFFICER 2: Whoa! What is it boys?
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Watch other parts of movie
Doug's 1st Movie (1999)
2 going to the dance
3 can you get that
4 have big news
5 right thing to do
6 welcome to our school
7 know where to get
8 like your new home