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Mark Wallace: That's nice. You leave something for two seconds and... Thanks.
Joanna Wallace: You're welcome.
Mark Wallace: Listen, sweetheart. We're not going to make it together. See? We don't get the breaks. So this is the kiss off. You take the high road, I'll take the low road. We'll see who gets in where before who.
Mark Wallace: I've been married to Joanna for nearly two years.
Mark Wallace: I don't intend to get married for at least 40 years. It's not that I have anything against sex. It's contracts I don't go for. Promise of long service and good conduct. Are you a virgin? Thought you were. Could always tell.
Joanna Wallace: Congratulations.
Mark Wallace: I was two years at the University of Chicago.
Joanna Wallace: Studying virgin detection?
Mark Wallace: Only at night school. Architecture during the day. I always thought American women would be different. I thought they'd broken the inhibitions barrier and it was all one long sex feast.
Joanna Wallace: No?
Mark Wallace: But no. The nicely brought-up American girl plays cool and modern but what she wants is what her grandmother wanted: Your head stuffed and mounted on the living room wall. And if you don't want it that way, you can take your loving self elsewhere... speaking quite generally, of course.
Mark Wallace: Very funny, isn't it? But I happen to have a schedule. The trouble is, there's two of us.
Joanna Wallace: Do you love me?
Mark Wallace: Now she asks.
Joanna Wallace: Do you?
Mark Wallace: Confessions extracted under torture...
Joanna Wallace: Do you?
Mark Wallace: Yes!
Joanna Wallace: Okay.
Mark Wallace: You're gonna get us thrown out of here. Actually it's not a bad idea. It's going to ruin us, anyway.
Joanna Wallace: This is heaven. I could eat a horse.
Mark Wallace: You may have to. We've just gone on a diet.
Joanna Wallace: But we haven't had lunch.
Mark Wallace: Baby, I'm not kidding. At these prices, we can't afford to eat here.
Joanna Wallace: I'm starving.
Mark Wallace: You'll just have to practice a little self-restraint.
Joanna Wallace: I am not hungry.
Mark Wallace: Women in an advanced state of pregnancy should be very careful about overeating.
Joanna Wallace: Advanced? I've got eight months to go! Must be some food shop in that village.
Mark Wallace: I'm too worried about you to dream about eating anything myself. I'll tell you what. I'll slip down to the chemist and get you some... Guess.
Joanna Wallace: Hamburgers.
Mark Wallace: Pills! That's right!
Joanna Wallace: Hamburger pills! Large hamburger pills! Don't let them see you bringing it in.
Mark Wallace: We haven't been here very long.
Joanna Wallace: We've been here month after month for two whole days.
Joanna Wallace: This must be very near the Garden of Eden.
Mark Wallace: Do you know what marriage is?
Joanna Wallace: You tell me and see if we are thinking of the same thing.
Mark Wallace: Marriage is when the woman asks the man to take off his pajamas. And it's because she wants to send them to the laundry. Good?
Joanna Wallace: Yeah. Very good. I'm hungry and thirsty.
Mark Wallace: You're never satisfied.
Joanna Wallace: What's wrong with being hungry?
Mark Wallace: It's time you realize that all human appetites are profoundly degrading with the exception of lust.
Audrey Hepburn as Joanna Wallace
Picture from Two For The Road (1967)
Albert Finney as Mark Wallace