"Happy marriages," says Dr Butterfield, "are rarely the product of
chance: they are architectural in that they are intelligently and
deliberately planned."
To assist in this planning, Dr Butterfield has for years insisted that
any couple he marries must discuss with him frankly their plans for
the future. And it was as a result of these discussions that he came
to the conclusion that so many of the high contracting parties were
"matrimonial illiterates."
"Sex," says Dr Butterfield, "is but one of the many satisfactions in
married life, but unless this relationship is right, nothing else can be
right."
But how to get it right? "Sentimental reticence" - I'm still quoting Dr
Butterfield - "must be replaced by an ability to discuss objectively
and with detachment attitudes and practices of married life. There is
no way in which this ability can be better acquired than through a
book of sound learning and good taste. I keep on hand several of
these books in addition to a supply of my own booklet, Marriage and
Sexual Harmony.
"Of all the books that are available, the three that seem to me most
satisfactory for general reading are: The Sex Technique in Marriage
by Isabel E. Hutton; The Sexual Side of Marriage by Max Exner; The
Sex Factor in Marriage by Helena Wright."
So, Rule 7 of "How to Make Your Home Life Happier" is: 'Read a good
book on the sexual side of marriage.
Learn about sex from books? Why not? A few years ago, Columbia
University, together with the American Social Hygiene Association,
invited leading educators to come and discuss the sex and marriage
problems of college students. At that conference, Dr Paul Popenoe
said: "Divorce is on the decrease. And one of the reasons it is on the
decrease is that people are reading more of the recognized books on
sex and marriage."
So I sincerely feel that I have no right to complete a chapter on
"How to Make Your Home Life Happier" without recommending a list
of books that deal frankly and in a scientific manner with this tragic
problem.
•
The Sex Side Of Life by Mary Ware Dennett. An explanation for young people.
•
The Sexual Side Of Marriage by M.J. Exner, M.D. A sound and temperate presentation of the sexual problems of marriage.
•
Married Love by Marie C. Slopes. A frank discussion of marital relationships.
•
Sex In Marriage by Gladys Hoagland Groves, Ernest R. Groves. An informative and comprehensive book.
•
The Married Woman by Robert A. Ross, M.D., and Gladys H. Groves. A practical guide to happy marriage.
Questionnaire
In its issue for June, 1933, American Magazine printed an article by
Emmet Crozier, "Why Marriages Go Wrong." The following is a questionnaire reprinted from that article. You may find it worth while
to answer these questions, giving yourself ten points for each question you can answer in the affirmative.
For Husbands
1. Do you still "court" your wife with an occasional gift of flowers, with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary, or with some unexpected attention, some unlooked-for tenderness?
2. Are you careful never to criticize her before others?
3. Do you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses, above the household expenses?
4. Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods and help her through periods of fatigue, nerves, and irritability?
5. Do you share at least half of your recreation hours with your wife?
6. Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife's cooking or housekeeping with that of your mother or of Bill Jones' wife, except to her advantage?
7. Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life, her clubs and societies, the books she reads, her views on civic problems?
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8. Can you let her dance with and receive friendly attentions from other men without making jealous remarks?
9. Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your admiration for her?
10. Do you thank her for the little jobs she does for you, such as sewing on a button, darning your socks, and sending your clothes to the cleaners?
For Wives
1. Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his associates, his choice of a secretary, or the hours he keeps?
2. Do you try your best to make your home interesting and attractive?
3. Do you vary the household menu so that he never quite knows what to expect when he sits down to the table?
4. Do you have an intelligent grasp of your husband's business so you can discuss it with him helpfully?
5. Can you meet financial reverses bravely, cheerfully, without criticizing your husband for his mistakes or comparing him unfavourably with more successful men?
6. Do you make a special effort to get along amiably with his mother or other relatives?
7. Do you dress with an eye for your husband's likes and dislikes in colour and style?
8. Do you compromise little differences of opinion in the interest of harmony?
9. Do you make an effort to learn games your husband likes, so you can share his leisure hours?
10. Do you keep track of the day's news, the new books, and new ideas, so you can hold your husband's intellectual interest?
