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QUEEN: Oh, very well. But get on with it! KING: First witness! First witness! Ah, we'll call the first witness. WHITE RABBIT: The March Hare. KING: Oh, oh, what do you know about this unfortunate affair? MARCH HARE: Nothing. QUEEN: Nothing whatever? MARCH HARE: Nothing whatever! QUEEN: That's very important! Jury, write that down! ALICE: Unimportant, your majesty means of course... QUEEN: Silence! Next witness. WHITE RABBIT: The Dormouse! QUEEN: Well... CARDS: Shhh! QUEEN: What have you to say about this? DORMOUSE: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder... QUEEN: That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet. Write that down! JURY: Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle... ALICE: Twinkle, twinkle. What next? WHITE RABBIT: The Mad Hatter! MAD HATTER: Oh... he he he he! QUEEN: Off with your hat! MAD HATTER: Oh, my! He he he! KING: And eh... where were you when this horrible crime was committed? MAD HATTER: I was home, drinking tea. Today you know is my unbirthday. KING: Why, my dear! Today is your unbirthday too! QUEEN: It is? MARCH HARE AND MAD HATTER: It is? CARDS: It is? MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE AND CARDS: A very merry unbirthday! QUEEN: To me? ALICE: Oh no! MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE AND CARDS: To you! A very merry unbirthday! QUEEN: For me? MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE AND CARDS: For you! MAD HATTER: Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he. MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE AND CARDS: A very merry unbirthday, to you! ALICE: Oh! Your majesty! QUEEN: Oh, yes, my dear? ALICE: Look! There he is now! QUEEN: He? Where? Who? ALICE: The Cheshire Cat! QUEEN: Cat? DORMOUSE: Cat! Cat? Cat! MARCH HARE: Hang on, hang on! MAD HATTER: This is terrible! DORMOUSE: Cat cat cat cat! MAD HATTER: Help! Help! KING: Catch him! Stand in! MARCH HARE: Catch him! Catch him! Go for it! MAD HATTER: Help him! Catch him! Give me the jam, the jam! KING: The jam! The jam! By order of the king! MAD HATTER: The jam! QUEEN: Let me have it! Somebody's head is going to roll for this! A-ha! ALICE: The mushroom! QUEEN: Off with her h...hmpf! ALICE: Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you! Why, you're nothing but a pack of cards! CARDS: Huh? KING: Rule forty-two: all persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately. ALICE: I'm not a mile high. And I'm not leaving. QUEEN: Hehehe... sorry! Rule forty-two, you know. ALICE: And as for you, your majesty! Your majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, but just a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty- tyrant... QUEEN: Hmhmhmhm... and uh... what were you saying, my dear? CHESHIRE CAT: Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha! QUEEN: Off with her head! KING: You heard what her majesty said! Off with her head! ... ALL: Forward, backward, inward, outward, here we go again! No one ever looses and no one can ever win. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, there's... QUEEN: Off with her head! Off with her head! MARCH HARE: Just a moment! You can't leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know! ALICE: But- but I can't stop now! MARCH HARE: Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea! QUEEN: Off with her head! ALICE: Mister Caterpillar! What will I do? CATERPILLAR: Who are you? ALICE: Cough-cough! Cough-cough! QUEEN: There she goes! Don't let her get away! Off with her head! DOORKNOB: Still locked, you know. ALICE: But the Queen! I simply must get out! DOORKNOB: Oh, but you are outside. ALICE: What? DOORKNOB: See for yourself! ALICE: Why, why that's me! I'm asleep! QUEEN: Don't let her get away! Off with her head! ALICE: Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice! SISTER: Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson? ALICE: Huh? Oh. Oh! Uh... how doth the little crocodile, improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the... SISTER: Alice, what are you talking about? ALICE: Oh, I'm sorry, but you see, the Caterpillar said... SISTER: Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sake. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea. CHORUS: Alice in Wonderland, over the hill or here or there, I wonder where. Alice in Wonderland, how do you get to Wonderland? Over the hill or under land, or just behind the tree? Alice in Wonderland, where is the path to Wonderland? Over the hill or here or there, I wonder where.
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