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MERLIN: Oh, yes, that's right. Hockety pockety wockety.
WART: Ha, ha! What a way to pack.
MERLIN: Well, now, just a minute, boy. How else would you get all this stuff into one suitcase, I'd like to know?
WART: Oh, but I think it's wonderful!
MERLIN: Oh. Yes, it is rather. Now, well don't, don't you get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems. Because it won't!
WART: But, sir, I don't have any problems.
MERLIN: Oh, bah, everybody's got problems. The world is full of problems. Oh, blast it all! There, now. You see what I mean? See, that's the trouble with the world today. Everybody butting their heads against a brick wall. All muscle and no mentality. Do you want to be all muscle and no brain?
WART: I don't have any muscle.
MERLIN: You don't? Well, how do you move about?
WART: Oh, I suppose, I do have a little.
MERLIN: Aha. There, you see. Well, that's enough.Now, develop your brain. Knowledge, wisdom. There's the real power. Higher learning. That's the thing. So, first thing tomorrow morning, we'll start a full schedule. Eight hours a day. We'll have six hours for schoolroom and two for study period.
WART: But I don't have the time. I have page duties.
MERLIN: Uh, page duties? Ha! Ah, well, we'll change all that. There's got to be a shake-up.
WART; Well, yes, sir. I suppose so.
MERLIN: How do you ever expect to amount to anything without an education, I'd like to know? Even in these bungling, backward, medieval times you have got to know where you're going, don't you?
WART: Yes, sir. MERLIN: Yes, of course. So, you must plan for the future, boy. You've got to find a direction. And you've... Now, by the by, what direction is this castle of yours?
WART: I think it's north. The other way.
MERLIN: Oh, oh. All right, then we better get a move on. Come on, come on, lad. Pick up the pace. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.
SIR ECTOR: Yo-ho, the devil take it! No, the devil take it. Anyone's got better sense than to go barging off in that infernal forest alone. You had no business letting him go. SIR KAY: Look, Dad, I'm not the Wart's keeper.
SIR ECTOR: Well, blast it all, I am. After all, I, I took him in, adopted the lad, you might say. Being his foster father, well, I'm responsible. Whoop. Tiger! Talbot! Off with you. Now, look here, Wart. What's the big idea of gallivanting off in the woods and worrying the living daylights out of everybody?
WART: I'm sorry, sir.
SIR ECTOR: Well, sorry's not enough. That's four demerits. Four hours extra kitchen duty. Eh, report to the cook!
WART: But, sir, I'd like you to meet.
SIR KAY: Well, yes, you've got to keep a tight schedule to run a big place like this. SIR ECTOR: Need strict rules. Especially for small boys.
ARCHIMEDES: And I most certainly agree.
SIR ECTOR: Who are you. Oh. I mean, you?
MERLIN: My name is Merlin. This is Archimedes. A highly educated owl.
SIR ECTOR: Educated owl? Say, that's a good one. Say. Hey, I know. You've got him under a spell, Marvin. You're a magician.
MERLIN: The name is Merlin. And I happen to be the world's most powerful wizard.
SIR ECTOR: Come off it, man. Gadzooks!
MERLIN: All right. I shall demonstrate. Higitus figitus migitus moe wind and snow swirl and blow!
SIR ECTOR: What the devil are you up to?
MERLIN: And that is what I call a "wizard blizzard.
SIR ECTOR: Hey, Kay, would you look at this? An indoor blizzard. And in the month of July.
SIR KAY: So what?
SIR ECTOR: All right, Marvin. Turn her off. I'm convinced.
SIR ECTOR: I hope you don't go in for any of that black magic.
MERLIN: Oh, no, no, no, no. Never touch the stuff. No. My magic is used mainly for educational purposes. In fact, that is why I am here. I have come to educate the Wart.
SIR ECTOR: Oh, no, you don't. I'm running this place. And if you think you're gonna fiddle with my schedule you'd better pack up your bag of tricks and be gone. Well, by Jove. Hey, he's gone.
SIR KAY: Good riddance.
MERLIN: I'm gone, but then, I'm not gone. So, if I do leave you could never be sure that I am gone, can you?
SIR ECTOR: Well, I must say, you got me there, Marvin. Yes. Well, you win. You're welcome to stay if you like.
MERLIN: Thank you. You're very kind. Very generous, I must say.
SIR ECTOR: Well, uh, all we can offer is room and board. Hard times, you know, Marvin. We'll put you up in the northwest tower. That's the guest room. It's a bit drafty in the winter but in this blazing hot weather, it's the best room in the house.
MERLIN: Oh, yes. Very lovely indeed.
SIR ECTOR: So just make yourself at home, Marvin.
MERLIN: Best room in the house! Guest room! Unwelcome-guest room! But if he thinks that he can get rid of me, I've got news for that old walrus. I'm sticking it out.
ARCHIMEDES: And I say we go back to the woods.
MERLIN: No, not on your life. That boy's got to have an education. He has a future.
ARCHIMEDES: Well, you may be right. A skinny kid like that would make a cracking good chimney sweep.
MERLIN: Something tells me that you're all wet, Archimedes.
SIR ECTOR: Who goes there?
SIR PELLINORE: Pelinore! It's Pelinore, dash it all! I've got big news from London. Big news!
SIR ECYOR: Come on, man. Drop the bridge.
MERLIN: Oh, big news, eh? They can't wait for the London Times. First edition won't be out for at least 1,200 years. Archimedes, would you mind sailing down there.
ARCHIMEDES: Not interested!
MERLIN: Oh, come now. You're as wet as you can get.
MERLIN: Archimedes! I'll turn you into a human.
ARCHIMEDES: You wouldn't dare!
MERLIN: I will. So help me, I will.
ARCHIMEDES: Well, all right. It works every time. Just like magic.
Plan for the future
My name is Merlin
The Sword In The Stone part 2